A Woman's Ivy League College Goes Gay- From Nantucket To Bernal Heights In The Blink Of An Eye

The Seven Sisters - Barnard, Holyoke, Smith, Vassar, Pembroke, Radcliffe, and Wellesley - were in the days of separate but equal men's and women's colleges, the academic equivalent of Yale, Harvard, and Princeton. There were differences among them.  Vassar took Jews, Smith catered to the Nantucket crowd, Wellesley the up-and-coming social register daughters, Radcliffe, the binary, algorithmic ladies who gave up pinafores and Arpege for serious thought, and Holyoke took the rest. 

Yet all marched to the same drummer; all were conformingly upper class, feminist women who wanted it all, wealthy husbands from Yale, boardroom appointments, and Jascha Heifetz and Artur Rubenstein for sons. 

And they realized their dreams.  Abigail Simmons, scion and legatee of the Newport Simmons family, merchants, traders, shipbuilders, and investors in the Three Corner Trade, went to Wellesley.  Patience Morrow, descendant of John Taylor Morrow of the Massachusetts Bay Colony and John Davenport's aide de camp in his expedition to found a new, uber-Puritan colony in New Haven went to Vassar; and Felicity Potter, great great granddaughter of Audubon Potter, Chief Justice at the Salem Inquisition went to Pembroke. 

These and other well-fashioned, properly educated, and socially statuesque women excelled at college, married well, had equally bright and well-behaved children, and reacted well to the new dynamics of the Sixties.  While holding their own as members of the Old Guard, they were quick to adopt the new, progressive ethos of the times.  

'The Other' - the black, the Latino, and the gay - were welcomed members of the new American society.  While the Old Guard still returned to Beacon Hill, the Main Line, and Shawnee Mission for holidays, they were the first advocates for the trifecta of inclusion, diversity, and equity. 

Now, same sex institutions being what they are - closed, intimate, shared showers and bedroom havens - it is not surprising that some gender infidelity occurred; but women who were of that particular sexuality were tired of sexual adventure behind closed doors.  Instead, they became members of activist groups, political cabals, and well-funded interest groups to put pressure on the administration to both admit more gay women and to welcome a cultural move away from a traditional, formal, and increasingly outdated social milieu, 

Amanda Parsons, graduate of Smith College, on her way to an advanced degree in bio-physics, and a well-known Bernal Heights lesbian, was particularly outspoken about the need to change direction and for Smith to become not only welcoming to lesbian women but to transform itself into 'Lesbian Central'.  This was the niche that would separate Smith from the rest of the Seven Sisters, all foundering after the Ivy League became co-d. 

 

Making Smith a gay Mecca would place it at the forefront of modern progressivism, and would give it a cachet and recognition that the other Sisters could not match. Amanda wrote this to the President of the college:

Dyke Heaven, Queersville, Bernal Heights East, Wet Pussydom....This is the new Smith, the forerunner, the avant-garde, the first in line.  A new redoubt for brilliant non-binary women in solidarity and with political purpose.  A primus inter pares women's institution which would combine academic excellence with sexual license, the New Wave of higher learning, the model for the New American woman. 

At first the President, a straight woman, PhD from Harvard, noted economist, and advocate for 'accommodating feminism' was taken aback by the letter,  Yes, same sex partnerships were not uncommon at Smith or any of the other Seven Sisters, but to make it into the go-to place for lesbian women was another thing altogether.  Her passionate commitment to diversity was antithetical to the idea of sexual monopoly.  Gay women were welcome at Smith, but to make it a dildo, pussy eating haven was another thing altogether. 

'Wait a sec, Madame President', advised one of Smith's board members. 'Distinction and cachet are the sine qua non of financial solvency.  Market placement, a unique selling principle, and cash flow dominance are what college development is all about.'

The President grimaced at the thought of the Development Office's promotional materials. 

'Smith is an all-embracing, all-encompassing place of sexual diversity.  Within the highest standards of academic excellence, the student body is free to enjoy the company of likeminded, seriously intended sexual others; and in fact the college endorses and promotes such alternate lifestyle preferences'

 

This of course accompanied by photos of undergraduate women doing things together, sharing intimacies and belonging. 

When asked to approve the new promotional campaign, the President demurred.  Her past - a wild heterosexual bacchanal interrupted by periods of scholarship, her serial partnerships with Princeton quarterbacks and Yale rowers - could not be either forgotten or denied.  Turning Smith into a cunt fest?  Never on her watch. 

But once the genie is out of the bottle, there is no putting him back; and the cry for a more sexually unique institution continued to gain currency. 'Who cares who does what to whom if their grades are kept up?', said the most positive activists, indifferent to the likely job interview where, 'Ah, you went to Smith, I see', unmistakable reference to sexual oddity, would be the defining moment in the hiring process. 

Of course in these days of inclusivity, no recruitment officer was supposed to think querulously about sexual orientation, but such an item could not be dismissed. In the case of McLarty Enterprises, LLD, a Washington think tank, there were far too many sexual hijinks during working hours, added to which was the increasing discomfort of the binary employees under whose notice these alternate affairs were happening. 

Nevertheless Smith went whole hog on the lesbian thing, and much to their surprise, the applications far exceeded supply.  It was a gold rush, and many thanks were given to the foresightful administrator who thought up the change of direction, 

An example of the applicant enthusiasm was evident in this essay:

I am queer, I am lesbian, I am a pussy hound, I am incontinent, indissolubly gay, and look forward to passing four years with my sexually alternate sisters.  Together we will form a cabal of queerness, a redoubt of same sex intimacy, a sexual unit of personal satisfaction and political weight...

'Smith is the New Shining City On A Hill', said one Admissions officer proud of his and the college's efforts to relegate heterosexuality to the dustbin of history, to create a brave new world of gender-affirming, inclusive sexuality.  He couldn't keep his delight quiet nor keep his own counsel and in an impromptu meeting with the President said, 'We've done it! Eighty percent gay and counting.'

The President, still despite herself with disgusting images of buggery and sexual excess on her mind, and longing for the days of cotillions, masked balls, Nantucket weddings, and grandchildren, smiled and thanked her colleague for her work and enthusiastic commitment. 

Privately she thought that Smith was going down the shithole.  Imagine! she thought, how perverse, how untoward, and how perfectly...unacceptable the whole idea was, 

'I quit', she told the Board of Directors and went her way to her retirement condo in Tampa, Trump country.  Better bass boats and gunracks than vaginal insertions and lower lip sucking. 'There, I've said it', the President mentioned to her husband, quite glad indeed to be out of that hell hole that miasma, and back on God's green earth