Confessions Of A Reformed Creationist - Better An Ape For An Ancestor Than Eve, The Con Artist

Everett  Maxwell was a Creationist.  Born and raised in the Deep South where such beliefs were the rule not the exception, he never questioned that God created Adam and Eve fully formed, developed, intelligent, and wise, and that humanity went on from there. 

  

The comedian Patrick Keane's riff on Cain's murder of Abel is hilarious.  Is the world more violent now than ever, he rhetorically asks. Are you kidding? Cain killed Abel, one quarter of the world's population, that's more than Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, and the Hutus combined. 

God thought he had begun a race of honest, respectful, God-fearing people when he created Adam and Eve, but right from the start he knew he had made serious mistake.

Eve, the first woman and the prototype of all to follow, tricked Adam into eating the apple of the Tree of Knowledge. Why should God be the only one to know about the universe, how it came into being, how he did it, what were its limits, why his particular vision of rocks and rills, mountains and valleys?  Why should only he know what makes the sun shine, the moon glow, the birds sing? 

Eve of course, true to the form and pattern of women to come, did not eat the apple herself, but cajoled, tempted, and enticed Adam to do it for her.  He took the bait and a bite of the apple and along with Eve was thrown out of Paradise. 

Now, God could have created woman differently, without the fatal flaw that caused The Fall, the existential end-all of goodness and grace; but he chose to play Devil's Advocate, giving Satan himself a role in the insurrection. 

Not much later, the sinful, deceitful, treacherous character of women continued; and men whose ancestor Adam was thoroughly tricked at the very beginning of Creation, saw there was no reason to reform since more rewards were forthcoming by playing Eve's game. 

God, to his credit, realized his mistake and decided to rectify it. He would destroy humanity and start over again.  Noah, last man standing, with his ark of animals sailed on God's waters to form a new, reformed colony of humanity. 

To God's chagrin, that worked out badly as well and he decided once again to show his anger and disappointment and destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, the two cities most rife with sin, disobedience, corruption and evil intention.  Moses tried to stay his hand to no avail.  The two cities went up in smoke. 

That, too did not work.  Humanity did not learn its lesson and the world became even more morally corrupt, disobedient of God's laws and a disgrace to Creation.  So God sent his only begotten son, Jesus Christ to try to set the world straight.  He insisted on a bloody, torturous, gaspingly painful death of his son, for only through his suffering could the sins of the world be forgiven and future generations cured of their evil ways.

 

We all know that that turned out badly as well. 

Now, for a good practicing fundamentalist Christian, even considering the theory of evolution was apostasy.  Man was created in one fell swoop, end of story; but yet given the sad and sorry history of this creation and God's total inability to do anything about the systemic rot within, one had to wonder if Christianity might be more settled if Darwinism replaced Creationism. 

If we are descended from the apes, then the territorialism, aggression, self-interest, and defensiveness of human nature inherited from our primitive ancestors might be easier to swallow. 

'Hmmm', Everett wondered.  Could he be on the right track? Or was he simply adding insult to injury, further damaging the premises of Creationism and the sovereignty of God Almighty? And yet...and still...God endowed us with reason and intelligence, so isn't it right and proper to question received wisdom, even if it is Biblical?

Job questioned God's real intent in so harshly and meanly testing his faith.  He, an innocent bystander in the currents of life, was singled out for no reason . He endured miserable agony when Satan, with God’s permission, struck him with painful sores from head to toe. These sores caused intense pain, itching, and disfigurement, leading him to sit among ashes and scrape his skin with broken pottery. His body became emaciated, his skin blackened and peeling, and he experienced insomnia and nightmares, reflecting the depth of his physical torment. 

Why have you done this to me, protested Job? and Everett felt justified in questioning God in the matter of evolution. 

As a Creationist he had allies in Islam. Muslims believe that God so loved the world that he never would have given his soulful, spiritual creation, Man, an animal ancestry.  How insulting and demeaning!  What a malicious, heretical view! 

For the same reason Muslims do not believe that Jesus was crowned with thorns, cut open, nailed to a cross, to die in misery and suffocation. God would never have done such a thing to one of his prophets. The man who died on the cross who called himself Jesus of Nazareth was an imposter, his family paid off by Jewish moneylenders for his complicity, silence and death. 

While this Islamic belief should have strengthened Everett’s own conviction of Creationism, it only added more doubts.  The world that God created so mistakenly, erringly, and obviously without much forethought has turned out to be a side show. 

To test his resolve Everett went to the National Zoo and spent hours in the monkey house.  Yes, these creatures did look remarkably human. They ate with their hands, scratched themselves, had a range of facial expressions, picked and groomed like African villagers, and without much imagination could indeed be our direct ancestors. In the wild they were just as territorial, aggressive, and self-protective as human beings - or rather human beings in these ways resembled them. 

Everett went to his pastor to seek his advice and counsel.  He could not get through this crisis of faith without clerical support. He was received generously by the minister, offered tea and a comfortable chair, and presented his conundrum. 

Pastor Jones hesitated for a moment once petitioner Everett had finished, reached for his well-used, dog-eared Bible, turned to Genesis 2:18, and recited the verses describing Creation, Adam and Eve, and the Garden of Eden.  'There is no more to the story than that', the pastor added. 'Nothing whatsoever'. 

When pressed, the pastor could only smirk at the absurdity of the Darwinian claims.  'Apes', he laughed. 'Monkeys, simians, jungle bunnies....And you fell for that??'

'Well, not exactly' replied Everett. 'It only struck me that...' and here he became voluble and excited, citing Job, the Flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, the apostasies and heresies of the Second Century, his trip to the monkey house, and much more. 

'Let me stop you there, my son', said the pastor. 'Your soul is in danger', and taking his cue from Everett's worried, perplexed look, he rose to the occasion and lectured the young man on faith, fortitude, and the eternal love of Jesus Christ. 

'Phooey', said Everett at the pastor's nonsensical screed.  Everett had a point and he wanted it addressed and not sit there sipping tea while the old windbag bellowed on about everything but the issue at hand. 

'God bless you, and have a blessed day', the pastor said as he ushered Everett out the door. 

But the more Everett looked around him as he walked the downtown, the more he saw passersby as monkeys, apes tricked out in suits, ties, and high heels.  The headlines screamed War! Fraud! Corruption! and he couldn't help thinking of Neanderthals, hairy and prognathous-jawed, and ready to rob the next door clan of their ibex meat.  

Not a pretty picture, and far better better to recall happy images of the Garden of Eden; but the Zoo, K Street, The National Inquirer, and prime-time television confirmed his new belief loud and clear - God should have known better. 

The Clancy Jury Holdout Was A Black Man! - But He Simply Had To Be White, The Shameless Racism Of Liberal White Women

The Lindsay Clancy murder trial was one in which a woman was accused of the premeditated murder of her three children but who pleaded insanity as a defense. Because juror unanimity is required in all criminal cases brought before the courts in America, and because one juror held out for conviction and refused to budge, the judge called a mistrial. 

 

Popular opinion on the trial was divided.  Liberal white women cheered Clancy who claimed that the hormonal disruption caused by pregnancy and birth was the cause of her post-partum psychosis, rendering her unable to tell right from wrong, addling her reason and good judgment.  Her mental disruption was so severe that neither drugs nor counselling could right the ship.  She was on an inevitable course to complete insanity. 

These women who defiantly supported Clancy said that men could never know the reality of the hormonal hell that women suffer.  Not only are they hostage to a punitive menstrual cycle, become depressed and irretrievably despondent during menopause, but must go through the existential crisis of post-partum depression and psychosis.  Clancy was a victim, a sufferer, and should be understood and forgiven. 

Not only should she be exonerated because she was not sane when she committed the murders, said her attorneys, but her psychosis had been caused by male patriarchal abuse.  Her independent womanhood had been damaged by a bullying, insensitive husband, and her rationality had been completely upset and deranged by his actions.  She had lost control over an ordinarily moral, just, and loving psyche. 

It was a woman thing, a feminist thing. 

Only one juror refused to buckle under the hectoring and badgering of the liberal white women and the two men who, cowed and fearful, went along.  The holdout juror said that Clancy had deliberately, consciously, and premeditatively killed her children.  

She planned the murder, sending her husband away on a lengthy errand and searched the web for information on asphyxiation times and outcomes.  She rationally and cold-bloodedly strangled each of her children one by one as each watched in terror. 

No defense, no excuses, no mitigating circumstances could forgive or exonerate this heinous, evil act said the prosecution.  Other murderers like the infamous killer of seventeen men and boys, Jeffrey Dahmer, pleaded insanity, but in short order the jury convicted him of first degree murder.  Other women accused of murdering their children and claiming  the insanity defense were summarily convicted and send to prison for life. 

Times had changed, said prosecutors after the mistrial, and the infection of political progressivism had so infected the public and every institution of America had spread to the courts.  Only in today's fevered, hateful, divided, self-righteous society could any juror possibly defend the satanic act of Lindsay Clancy. 

Now after the mistrial, the women jurors who felt that it deprived them of their rights and saw justice mishandled and corrupted, decided to speak out. The one lone male juror who refused to listen to reason was 'fixated on the murder of the three children', one interviewee said, exposing the contradictions in the trial itself.  The holdout was 'fixated' by his misogynistic, hateful ways.  The trial was not about the brutal murder of three innocent babies but about female sovereignty. 

Now, the kicker. When a CBS reporter, a black woman, asked a female juror who had voted for acquittal about the racial makeup of the jury, and was told that the holdout juror was black, she did a double take, and flummoxed and unable to respond, could only say, 'I need to sit on this for a while'. 

Everything that she assumed - that it simply had to be a white, ultra-conservative, Trump MAGA supporter, and that only a white, privileged, misogynist, racist male could be against Lindsay Clancy - was wrong.  In that once instant she was befuddled.  How could she join her sisters in condemning the holdout if he was black, a protected minority, an assumed victim and progressive?

The black community, already dismissive of the white liberalism which has patronized the black man for decades, jumped to the holdout juror’s defense.  He was no Uncle Tom, no Yes Massa house slave, no plaything, no pitiable excuse for a man.  As Malcom X said

The White liberal is the worst enemy to America and the worst enemy to the Black man... They are the people who are jockeying for power...fighting each other for booty, for power, for prestige and the one who is the football in the game is the Negro. Twenty million Black people in this country are a political football, a political pawn an economic football, an economic pawn, a social football, a social pawn...

 

The women on the jury had already admitted buying into the whole hormone rule premise, suggesting that women, despite all the cant of the past decades, were beholden to biology, and further suggesting that since these hormones were so disruptive, no woman should ever be given responsibility for others.  Now they were admitting their reverse racism, their snide and indefensible patronizing of the black man. 

If there ever was a reason to question the motives, ethics, and morality of liberal white woman, said black commentators, it was now. 

The expression on CBS reporter Gayle King's face when she was told that the holdout juror was black was priceless.  She was dumbfounded, shocked, rocked, and incredulous.  There was no way that a brother could have been a traitor to the cause of women's rights, progressive liberalism, and blackness. 

 

What did this say to the viewing world? That a black man actually had agency, rectitude, courage, a sense of justice, compassion and moral fidelity?  How could he be any of these things without the liberal support of white women like the nine jurors of the jury?  

And here was Gayle King betwixt and between - a black person who should not be surprised at the fortitude and moral compunction of a brother but who is; a woman who should support all women's claims but is a supposedly objective reporter; an avowed liberal now loosed from her moorings.  It was a jaws-dropping, shameful spectacle. 

'The bitch killed her kids, muthafucka.  What more is there to say', said Pharoah Jones on social media immediately getting five thousand 'likes'. Indeed, what more can possibly be said about a woman who committed the most heinous crime imaginable - a mother murdering her innocent children and forcing them to watch?

No one event to demonstrated the divisions within America as did this trial - white against black, men against women, liberals against conservatives - and the divisiveness will only continue.  

The prosecution has to decide whether to try Clancy again, plea bargain a settlement, or drop the case.  The odds are on a new trial, and the voir dire and the judge's rulings will have to take the clear bias of the previous jurors into consideration?  Should progressive women not serve? Is there such thing these days as a non-partisan American?

The lines are drawn more firmly and clearly than ever.  The retrial if there is one will become an even more cause celebre than the first one, a media show, a complete circus, and a trial of whether or not the American judicial system can actually mete out justice. 

The Virtual Muslim - Allah, Vestal Virgins, Heaven's Rewards And Other Fantasies

Ahmed al-Rahim al-Syed was a devout Muslim, as hard as that was to be in godless America.  He would have to wear blinders to shut out the smut and shameless show of female flesh, block his ears to the daily incessant blasphemous chatter of Christians, and ignore the shoddy, incidental devotion claimed to be dutiful faith. 

Gaithersburg is a Washington suburb of no particular character or importance, one Ahmed chose only for its modest lodging and proximity to the Islamic Center where he and his family spent much of their time.  

The mosque was a refuge from the apostasy and barbarism of the secular world around him, and an asylum from Jews.  No matter where he looked, Jews were everywhere - diamond merchants, clothiers, managers, doctors, and lawyers - and there was no escaping them..  

The Quran has made it perfectly clear that Jews, claiming to be God's Chosen People, have expressed  an ignorant, defiant refusal to accept Islam, the true religion, and to acknowledge that a universal Muslim caliphate is at hand. 

 

A day did not pass without Ahmed regretting his decision to leave his native Palestine and come to America; and he hoped that Allah would forgive him for abandoning His holy land and nesting among infidels.  

He hoped that his daily prayers, his Friday prayers at the mosque, the disciplined religious training of his children, and his solidarity with Muslims around the world would win him favor in Allah's sight and would give him some measure of hope for the Last Judgement when he would be raised from the dead and reunited with Allah, God Almighty. 

The Muslim heaven was a glorious one, filled with the promise of a spiritual and human idyll.  Christians in all their penitential ignorance believe that heaven is only the sight of God, but a Muslim paradise will be filled with all the joys and pleasures of the fullest and richest human life. 

Ahmed had always wanted to be Sultan Suleiman of Turkey, a pasha with harems of beautiful blonde women, culled from the far corners of the Ottoman Empire in service to the emperors of the Muslim world.  Every day he dreamed of Suleiman's Russian princess, Anastasia, daughter of Russian royalty, the jewel in the Sultan's crown, the famed grande dame of Topkapi palace. 

Ahmed liked to watch videos about the life of the great Turkish pashas, especially the women in his retinue.  Not only did Suleiman prize Anastasia, but beauties from Persia and India, light-skinned, fine-featured women who were at his beck and call, a different woman every night to whom he made love in a rose-scented palatial bower.  

As much as Ahmed convinced himself that his interest in Turkish pashas and their harems was only historical and a personal tribute to the extension of royal Islam, he had to admit that his desire was carnal. He wanted the prizes of the Orient, feel the tender caresses of Mogul princesses, enjoy the kisses of queens of Mesopotamia. 

He had married his wife in Gaza, a proper Palestinian girl from a modestly well-off family.  The family was not as conservative as he had hoped.  The Wahhabi Saudi tradition of the honor and respect for women - their own chambers, a cloistered, monogamous life, their full and complete devotion to God and their male masters - was what he aspired to, but he had no choice.  His parents wanted a good marriage, a substantial dowry, and a full-bodied reproductive wife. 

The marriage was arranged, and the imam told him that love would come from mutual respect and proximity, but it never did.  Fatima was a plain, dowdy, limited woman who performed her marital duties with clenched jaw and closed eyes.  

He had no doubts about her fidelity because he was sure no man would want her; so faithfulness in such an unattractive, unappealing wife was incidental.  From the very beginning, despite his religious devotion and fealty to Allah, he wanted the perks of royalty - ten wives and a hundred lovers. 

Ahmed had been born unlucky.  What he wanted out of life would only come millennia in the future when Allah called the faithful to join him, body and soul in paradise.  A long wait, one so far off and so faint that if it hadn't been for his profound belief, he would have never have placed such a premium on it. 

Why had he not been born a sultan, a pasha, a shah or a member of the court?  Why had he been born in the benighted, contested strip of nasty land in Palestine?  Why had been given a wife and not chosen one for himself? 

Ah, if only he could have, he would have chosen Amina, daughter of the Ghazzah Street landlord who gave sumptuous banquets and showed off the beauty and elegance of his three daughters of whom Amina was the most beautiful and desirable. 

No, the celestial dice had been thrown and his life began in a tenement apartment, above his in-laws, scrambling for an extra shekel, eating goat meat and couscous, buying and selling for pennies until the chance of a lifetime, emigration to America came his way.  

It took bureaucratic maneuvering, an overwhelming debt, boiler-class freighter accommodations, and many weeks of travel before he reached American shores. Not exactly illegal but not fully legal either, his debt increased with the payments to local Turkish lawyers who promised him full American government recognition. 

And so it was that he spent increasing amounts of time in the basement of his Gaithersburg split-level watching what now amounted to Islamic pornography.  He hated the idea, the very notion that he was sullying the one true religion with salacious thoughts of naked women, but this virtual world was all he had. 

Upstairs he could hear the heavy footsteps of his wife, now an obese, slovenly harridan, and so he retreated further into the magical realism of a sultan's harem. 

Muslims, aware that Islam was getting a very bad press - the new conservative, nationalist governments of Europe were vowing to deport Muslims en masse, reversing the tide which had let them in.  Islamic terrorism - Iran, Hamas, Hezbollah, al-Qaeda, al-Shabab, the Houthis, and ISIS - was still in the news; and fewer and fewer Americans and Europeans were no longer looking at Muslims as just another religious group.  

The idea of babbling brooks, luscious musk melons, and above all vestal virgins in an Islamic paradise had persisted for centuries and was laughed at by non-Muslims everywhere. These wife-beating sex lords could only dream of such a pubescent fantasy; but there Ahmed was, squirrelled away in a Gaithersburg basement dreaming of the very same idyll and pleasuring himself to boot.

Over time the virtual, video world grew less and less compelling and the real world more appealing; and he began to look at the bare midriffs, low cut blouses and short skirts of the blonde young things he passed on the way to work with increased interest.  He wanted the real thing, not just a virtual woman photoshopped in a Turkish studio. 

In a moment of spiritual panic, he rushed to the mosque and fell prostrate, praying for forgiveness; but the damage had already been done.  The cancer had metastasized and he had become the infidel he had always warned against. 

'Going whole hog' was an Americanism he never understood, but now he did.  He had been 'on the fence', corrupted on the one side, faithful on the other; but in this short, nasty, brutish life there was no point in sitting on a picket undecided.  Better to go whole hog, and with that and with some difficulty, he began his evolution. 

He still prayed and gave Allah his due, but his outlook had changed. Life was not one of prostration, obedience, and mindless prayer.  He was still a youngish man, full of life and 'vim and vigor' and nothing or no one - especially his wife - was going to stand in his way. 

The Quran says that Allah will mete out his most severe punishment for apostasy - those who leave Islam - so the Muslim community of which he was so much a part condemned him, marginalized him, and ultimately threw him out. 

Yet, America was before him in all its promise and secular glory.  He would divorce his succubus wife, move to sunny California, and begin life anew. 

Easier said than done, but his co-workers, all either Christian or Jewish but patriotic Americans to the core were glad he had seen the light.  Good riddance to another 9/11 sympathizer. 

Bill Maher, progressive shill for years has had his own epiphany and has joined others in calling Islam antithetical to European and American civilized values, sounding the wake-up call loud and clear.  'There is no such thing as a moderate Muslim', he said when challenged by a cleric; and Ahmed's co-workers were very much in sympathy with him.