I Love Iran! - When Love For Hamas, Hezbollah, And The Palestinians Is Not Enough

'A-rabs', shouted a dissenter from the back of the room. 'Nuke the muthafuckas!

Bob Phillips stayed calm as the room became more restive. He knew that an all-inclusive Muslim love did not play well in Peoria but he was insistent.  Iran in the 1979 Revolution had taken a principled stand against the United States, a godless, hegemonic predator, and proclaimed itself the leader of a radical Islamic 'insurrection of righteousness'.

Bob had been a lifelong progressive, defender of the rights of the black man, gays, transgenders, women and ethnic minorities, and recently had been on the front line of the Free Palestine movement.  No speaker at campus rallies, street demonstrations, or on the pulpit was more committed to the cause of the oppressed people of Gaza.  No one was as shamelessly critical of the Zionist, racist regime of Israel.  He was a progressive's progressive, and never stood by quietly by while the forces of oppression and genocidal fury were murdering, raping, and pillaging. 

Hamas had done no wrong, Bob insisted, but only was defending Palestine, the right of return, and the elimination of an iron-fisted territorial occupier. Yes, Israeli civilians had been killed, but such has always been the case in righteous wars. Israeli settlers were no less occupiers than the Netanyahu government, and killing them (all Israelis were 'settlers', having robbed Palestinians of their land in 1948) was an act of civil disobedience.  

'Off the Ayatollah', shouted another MAGA Republican who had somehow infiltrated the perimeter of the Iran First rally for Muslim solidarity and Islamic inclusion.  

Again Bob remained calm, nodded to the protester, signaled to security to remove him, and went on:

Diversity, Equity, Inclusivity is not just a facile term to be applied when it is convenient, but an international call for brotherhood.  Iran has been branded a pariah because of its legitimate claim of prophecy.  There will be an Islamic Caliphate, said Ayatollah Khomeini, the first of the  Revolutionary Iranian seers, and the will of Allah will be spread far and wide. Do we approve of the harsh tactics of ISIS and al-Shabab?  Yes, we do because if we do not, then we renege on our promises of diversity.  Diversity and Inclusivity apply to all, not just those we favor. 

 

Now, Bob knew that he was treading on shaky ground.  The Iranian Ayatollah was threatening to start World War III, finish the job they had started and eliminate the Great Satan, America, along with its claques and Jewish shills. Yes, the Iranian Islamic state had every right to promote Islam by every means possible and to rid the world of unbelievers and create a new Garden of Eden. 

'Islam is a peaceful religion', said Bob, 'if only given the chance'.  The militant expansion of Islamic rule and influence need not be met with violence, but given a warm welcome.  It is the flaccid, self-indulgent consumer states of the West which need to be taught the truth, the word of Allah, the words of the Prophet, and the verses of the mullahs.  God himself in the Holy Quran has said as much - the infidel must be destroyed, and false prophets eliminated before the righteous juggernaut of Islam.   The world will be at peace under a universal Islamic Caliphate. 

The audience cheered.  Finally someone understood the struggle of the Palestinian people, the real meaning of diversity, equity, and inclusivity and had the courage to include Iran within the orbit of righteousness.  'Long live Iran!', the congregation shouted. 

The pendulum had shifted.  Pro-Palestinian protestors now turned to the motherlode, the originator, the first cause, the moral force behind Palestinian demands - Iran - and condemned the warmongering Donald Trump who had always championed the Zionist state and its occupation of the Holy Land.  

'Go forth', said Bob, feeling the moment of his own Biblical righteousness.  Islam was an Abrahamic religion after all, and he world should see the religion for what it really was - a profoundly holy, spiritual, God-anointed movement - and not fall prey to rampant Islamophobia. 

'Are you kidding?', said former Yale classmate of Bob's who had followed his career as the progressives' progressive, endorsing every notional, discredited claim of black superiority, gender fluidity, and socialist realism. A wacko, he said, who lost his marbles in Selma, referring to whack on the head that the young Bob had gotten from Bull Connor on a Freedom Ride and who from that day forward had considered himself a martyr as worthy of canonization as Saint Jerome. 

'Full of shit', said another classmate who broke ranks with the Class of 19__ and roundly dismissed this pompous windbag who had made a career out of hectoring and dunning.  Be kind, said Al Longworth, longstanding Class Secretary, good liberal himself, but more than anything a conciliator, a peacemaker. Above all it was the Class that mattered. 

Be that as it may, it had to be admitted that Bob had a growing following.  This Palestine-Iran link resonated with those who had seen DEI programs dismantled by the President, consigning them to non-existence when their relevance and critical social importance remained.  Embracing the cause of Iran, as contentious as it was, would bring the very principle of inclusivity to the fore. 

'God is Great', they shouted in synchrony with Islamic militants in the Middle East.  'Allahu Akbar...Hamdi Ullah...' This would show the world that American progressivism had not lost its mojo. 

Meanwhile Donald Trump was on the verge of authorizing the use of the Bunker Blaster, a 30,000 pound bomb that could penetrate any fortress and would destroy the underground nuclear program of Iran once and for all.  No more pussyfooting around. 

 

One Worlders protested to the United Nations, always a friend of the international Muslim community and longstanding opponent of Israel, and were well received. 'We must stop American aggression', said the Secretary General, 'and its attempts to destabilize a member of the commonwealth of nations'. 

Iran, boasting of its military might and God-given right to international legitimacy, hollered even louder about the Great Satan and its Zionist puppets and vowed to destroy both.  The Secretary General pleaded for a more temperate posture on the part of the mullahs, but they were having none of it.  Allah's will would prevail, and Iran would reign supreme. 

Not a few of Bob's supporters had second thoughts about the goodness of Iran and the peacefulness of Islam and feared nuclear missiles sent America's way; but Bob was unmoved.  Good sense will prevail he assured his jittery associates.  Besides, he said, God is the ruler of the entire universe, and that includes the heavenly promise of Islam. 

'When will that buggering old fool shut up?', said the Yale Class Secretary finally fed up with Bob and his nonsense.  He didn't change parties - becoming a Trump supporter was asking too much - but he was much more critical of the increasingly hysterical class notes Bob kept sending him.  So he cancelled Bob, defrocked him from the Class of 19__and the entire class threw their hats in the air.